Ters of service

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brain went into a pub and said, “Can I have a pint of lager please?” “No way” says the barman “you are already out of your head”.

Why don’t cats like shaving? Because 9 out of 10 prefer Whiskas.



Hopelessly lost, a businessman approaches a local in a village. ‘What’s the quickest way to York?’ he asks. The local scratches his head. ‘Are you walking or driving?’ ‘I’m driving’ the man replies. ‘Hmmm’ ponders the local. ‘I’d say that’s definitely the quickest way’.


(apologies to any blondes reading!)

A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream

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